torn

I'm torn today. It is a day of celebration of something very strange to celebrate. It is my Liberation Day. Freedom Day. Independence Day. The day I no longer am controlled. Why am I torn? Freedom is a double edge sword. I am torn because while I am happy and proud of myself for pulling out from under a bad situation, I find myself longing for it.

I'm torn not because I miss the pain and annoyance and the insults, but because it became a habit. Like heroin. Like alcohol. You get used to it. It becomes part of you, an integral part of your life, even if it's a negative influence in your life. Never mind the negative parts, you miss the safety of it being in your life. This is strange. I am torn.

So you can see I am not so torn that I am not celebrating, because I assure you I am celebrating. And so should you.